“You still look very ethnic, people will always look at you differently”.
I don’t wish that I’d look different, but I wish people didn’t look at me differently.
Colours are ugly.
We have tainted colours with all-encompassing ugliness.
White, black, brown, or pink, blue, green.
We have injected difference to the wavelengths of reflected colours that our eyes observe and transmit to our brain.
Persons have various skin tones, yet millions of people fall under only one defining colour?
“You are brown”
“Your skin is pale, but you do look ethnic”
Firstly, I am baffled by the mere words and the illogically attached connotations.
Ethnic (adjective): Relating to a population subgroup (within a larger or dominant national or cultural group) with a common national or cultural tradition.
I don’t believe people with dark hair and brown eyes are statistically in the minority or a “subgroup”.
A quick Google search shows: “Brown eye color is a dominant genetic trait.”
Brown (adjective): (of a person) dark-skinned or suntanned.
How much did this definition actually define me?
Does this word also exhibit my interests, my thoughts, my personality? Then why would we go up to someone and say their skin colour (in the loosest of terms) to them? It is as redundant as saying: “Hey, your dress is red”.
Secondly, the tendency to categorize people in any clear-cut box is utterly fruitless to me. Be it geography, culture, nationality, gender, race… These all contain stereotypical assumptions that are born out of each person’s bias, not reflecting much about the person. We are all earthlings, borders are arbitrary and ever-changing.
Majority of Canadians are not racist, yet everyone is very aware of race (any race).
“So where are you from?”
“But where are you originally from?”
“But where are your parents from, you don’t look like you’d be from Victoria”
Don’t misinterpret me, I am not ashamed of my ancestors or my parents, and I am grateful for the enthusiasm to get to know me. However, Victoria shaped me way more than any other place on this planet. So mapping my family tree will simply not reveal much about me.
When I am answering such questions, multiple times every single day for years, they become a source of anxiety. Sometimes I get so anxious about these spewing questions that I avoid meeting new friends.
I am so grateful for this blog and all of you for reading my unfiltered thoughts and giving me this safe space to share. This community is definitely my escape. Thank you.
Have you ever struggles with something similar? Or am I a hypersensitive drama queen?