Depression sucks

“The sun stopped shining for me is all. The whole story is: I am sad. I am sad all the time and the sadness is so heavy that I can’t get away from it. Not ever.”
Nina LaCour, Hold Still

The video script:

This is the Lions Gate bridge, it stretches over the blue waves and connects the lonely north shore to the city. Every now and then, this bridge closes because a tired soul is ready to let go of the warm rails and dive into the cold ocean of non-existence.

 

On the green metal that separates the thin air from the concrete, are unsigned messages that whisper in your head “you are not alone”.

 

I want to chat with you about something that sucks: depression.

 

It sucks BIG TIME.

 

For me, one day I wake up and the colors have been sucked from the world, my head and chest feel as if they have been punched, tears break through my hard blinks, the air heavily presses on me.

 

On another day, I wake up and everything is bright. Then I think, how could I possibly feel like I did on that gloomy day of horror. Everything is great, life is great.

 

Why on earth would I cry for no reason? Why would I want to crawl under all the hours and sleep into oblivion? Why would I want to harm myself? Why would I want to die?

 

Yup, it sucks.

 

Okay, so why this post? Just to “harsh your yumms?” (if you get that reference)

 

Well, I want to share three things that have helped me, so maybe it can also help you.

 

1.Acknowledge that this crappy cloud that only rains sorrow and suckiness, is the depression, not you! It’s an illness. When you have a cold, you are not the virus, but the virus is in you, depleting your resources.

 

It’s so hard, I know, And I am by no means there yet, but take little steps and remind yourself that you are not depression. Depression is a blanket that is covering you, preventing your true self to surface.

 

2.If you have suicidal thoughts, ask yourself: do you really want to die, or do you just not want to feel this way anymore?

 

I heard this in a TED talk and it resonated with me. On my good day, of course, I don’t want to die, because everything feels amazing. So if I don’t want to feel this way, then I have to seek help and support to get better. Yes, it’s a lot of work, yes I don’t have the energy for it, yes I am sick of trying so hard to feel half-decent. But maybe, it will be worth it. Maybe I will finally understand how “not-sad” feels.

 

I encourage you to reach out and grab a helping hand as well, there are a lot out there.

 

3.Once again, you are not alone. Firstly, you are not the only depressed person. There is at the very least me. Secondly, there are people who care, maybe they are strangers, maybe you don’t that they exist, maybe they don’t know that you exist, but they still put messages on bridges for us.

 

I feel a little better talking about this since I rarely ever talk about it. If you need to talk to someone, HELLO, I am someone, send me a message.

 

I feel that I must end with a conclusive and positive statement. But I don’t really know what to say. I guess I don’t know if things will get better, but I know that they can.

 

So on that distant possibility, I will end this.

Do you deal with any mental health challenges? What are the ingredients of your coping skills?

 

Resources for extra support:
Kati Morton (licensed therapist): https://www.youtube.com/user/KatiMorton
Yoga with Adriene: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene
Anxiety workbook: https://amzn.to/2OZzVQs
Depression workbook: https://amzn.to/2vB4AeJ

16 Responses

  1. Well done for having the courage to open up about yourself, it’s a challenging thing to do. “I don’t know if things will get better, but I know that they can.” Is probably the most honest thing we can say about mental illness.

    And thankyou for giving your followers permission to message you if they need support. You are welcome to message me as well.

    A fab post. Thankyou.

  2. Depression does indeed suck, and it’s something that we (psychologists and neuroscientists) still don’t understand very well. We have all sorts of theories and treatments for depression, but so much of it remains a mystery. Why do seem people appear to be more vulnerable to it than others? Why does it seemingly strike out of nowhere, even when life is going well? Why do antidepressants sometimes work for some people, but not others? Why is depression more prevalent amongst some cultures than others (besides the obvious answer of the lack of sunlight at northern latitudes)? How much of depression is biological, and how much of it depends on one’s external circumstances?

    There are so many unknowns, and none of them will be answered while so much stigma remains about depression – and mental health in general. Your coming forward and talking about your experiences is helping to weaken that stigma.

    1. Thanks for reading/watching. Excellent questions, I ask myself these everyday. And yes, there is a big stigma, unfortunately. I haven’t been able to take any time of work because I don’t want to be known as the “depressed” one, or be devaluated professionally.

      1. I’m reluctant to give you straight advice, because I don’t know anything about your job or your life situation. However, I do know that one of the most damaging effects of depression is that it leads people to isolate themselves: thus making themselves more depressed. So my gut reaction would be to not take too much time off work if you can help it, just to give yourself something to do that gets you out of your house.

        But take that recommendation with a grain of salt, because like I said I don’t know anything about your job.

  3. Thank you for sharing this post and video at the GDG. On a personal note, this means much. I have been slowly emerging from my own depression and found that saying things like what you have said here over and over again until I believed them mattered. Being reminded mattered even more. This is important and powerful stuff.. sap even if it is “Tuesday” this message goes across all days… thank you… — Stephen

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