Poems Writings

eat- a path to insecurities

“To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.”
Simone de Beauvoir

 

eat

eat

“your ribs are showing

you’re nose protrudes giantly from your face”

 

eat

eat

“you have no curves

no luscious cheeks

no rose coloured hue kissing your pale skin”

 

eat

eat

“skin and bones isn’t attractive

your face would be prettier

if you just ate”

 

i was pre-teen

and well-amused

within the paradise of myself

the diameters of my outer

didn’t penetrate my curious mind

 

but they said

eat

i ate

 

they said

eat more

i was full

 

they gave me extra portions

with a compulsory ‘finish!’ rule

 

my stomach stretching

my confident energy dissipating

i spit out the extra food

in the toilet

in black plastic bags

sneaking to throw away

what was being shoved

down my inexperienced spine

 

slowly

slithering with quiet mastery

the words took resident in my head

 

that my bones were ugly

and

my nose too big

and

my breasts too small

 

diets haunted my teens

and gyms never saw me leave

 

my muscles tired of being pushed

my mind weary of hating itself

 

i made an appointment

with a doctor

that made profit

from insecurities

 

my dad gave me an approving nod

for i was to bid farewell

to the inherited flaw

 

how

the day came

and i didn’t go

to the slaughterhouse

of bodily shame

 

my dad gave me a disapproving nod

my heart opened to beauties

 

unashamed

unabashed

unrestricted

 

 

Do you have any body insecurities caused by external factors?

 

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6 Comments

  1. Marleen says:

    Your poem conveyed pain and understanding…
    then ended with an additional level of sad perspective,
    but ultimately with a happy freedom.

    👍

    1. Thanks for stopping by and reading x

  2. it’s tragic the power words have over us as children. I was called Moose, and Tree and Stretch – always thought of myself as huge and oversized. Only now, when I look back at photographs do I see that I was none of things – just a tall, slender young woman. Wish I could have enjoyed it. Poignant post.

    1. oh my… needless to say I can so very much relate, thanks for reading x

      1. My pleasure, Em.

  3. […] its paper-thin confidence […]

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