I did something scary

Hey friends,

I did something that scares and thrills me all at the same time. I made a video with my face in it! I will post this before the me, inflicted with self-doubt and anxiety, can change my mind. Let me know what you think!

Side note:I am really sorry about the background noise. Pardon me, for I was not aware that the microphone was too strong to pick the noise from the commotion on the other side of the field.

Below is the script:

flushing the toilet + caring what others think


Just to brief you, I do flush the toilet.

But this one day, not long time ago, I stepped out to the hallway of my work building to make a phone call. And I didn’t want to disturb anybody with my “phone voice”, so I headed to the ladies washroom. Because it is always locked and it is always empty, so I thought it would be a good place to take a phone call.

Anyways, a few minutes in talking by the sink and I hear this jingle of keys.

I am notorious for being really quiet and startling peoples so to be preventive, I opened the faucet and started washing my hands. It was a coworker of mine, she came in, gave me a polite smile and then headed to one of the stalls to…you know!

Immediately after, I hear her forcefully flushing the toilet, and I could hear the anger in her flush. And then, I could feel the mortification flushing my face.

Why was I mortified? OK. A little backstory here: This particular coworker of mine, came to my desk, more than a couple of times, with a disgusted look on her face, saying, “Somebody didn’t flush the toilet”, and then that would commence a lengthy back and forth between us, just expressing the degree of our repulsion.

So now that I was standing there, washing my hands, with an unflushed toilet there, I must be the logical suspect to her!

To my horror, I have become (to her) that toilet-not-flusher!


I was mortified, but I couldn’t linger there because I wanted my phone conversation to stay private, and I couldn’t casually bring up the topic later on, like “Hey, remember that one time, you were in the washroom and you thought that I was absolutely filthy? That was not me! I was just there, talking on my the phone, completely oblivious to the state of the toilets.”

Then I thought, why am I so adamant to convince this person that I am not some appalling untamed disgrace. I didn’t do anything! It wasn’t me!

But I still did care, partly because of my OCD nagging in my skull, partly because of the undeserving shame of this uncommitted crime.

Sadly, in her eyes, I may always stay the toilet-not flusher, even though, I have flushed every toilet I’ve used in my life (well, almost all of them).

But should I care to this degree? Maybe not. Should I care what thoughts other people produce about me? Maybe a little bit. Hear me out, Jordan Peterson once said ( and I am paraphrasing here);

“In utter solitude, we grow in the direction of our worst selves.”

So maybe I do need the pressure to continue to flush the toilet.

And maybe, we all need to care about what other people think (sometimes, not all the time) to be able to care about ourselves, and grow in the direction of our best selves.

What do you think?

37 Responses

    1. Thank you for watching, means a lot. I was really nervous, but I decided to let go of perfectionism (after watching a bunch of motivational videos haha).

  1. I laughed pretty hard reading this. It helps that I can relate in every single way, as my anxiety about a situation will usually amplify it ten fold. I’m still going over ever second of it, and the other individual has forgotten it entirely by the time I bring it up!

  2. Immediately and forevermore, Em, banish your anxiety and self-doubt about posting video selfies. Your clip here is delightfully entertaining. As for flushing: always when its a public toilet or one you’ve used anywhere other than in your own home. And regarding what others think about you: What’re ya gonna do? Let it go. If she did indeed attribute the failure to flush to you and think poorly of you for it, screw her. I don’t fret over things I can’t control, and thank goodness humans lack the power to cause harm simply by thinking bad thoughts. Let that be her problem, not yours. You have enough to worry about!

    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement, Denny, it means A LOT.
      By always, I mean always, home or public. And yes, you are right, it’s her problem. I am trying to be better at controlling my obsessions, yet sometimes they get the best of me!

      1. I get the need to enforce civility and cleanliness but you can’t go all Salem Witch Trails every time someone doesn’t flush. Plus for silly folks like myself this scenario just sends my imagination running. I can’t stop imagining your co-worker going from cubical to cubical interrogating her office mates dressed as Batman (Nolan version) screaming in a grizzled voice, “WHO DID THE DOOKIE?!!!”

  3. I love this, you are a star! You come across as totally natural, energetic, humorous, and the editing was great too. Be proud of this, it’s brilliant.
    Karen x

  4. Firstly, kudos for kicking fear in the balls and posting the video. Second, keep up the good work with always flushing 👌. Third, keep on keepin’ it real; wayyyyy too much focus gets put on mundane topics, and not enough on workplace toilet etiquette. This is a previously untapped corner of the blog/vlogosphere, I think you’re onto something here.
    Finally, you have no reason to be nervous! You’re funny, charismatic, engaging, watchable and listenable (is that a word?). Moooooore!!

  5. Oh Em…. you are utterly adorable!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!! You are delightful, funny and sweet!!!! You are everything I imagined you to be and more!!!!!!! If your co-worker doesn’t have a sense of humor…. then that’s her problem, not yours! Your video is awesome, honest and incredibly entertaining!!!!!! 💙

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