I did something that scares and thrills me all at the same time. I made a video with my face in it! I will post this before the me, inflicted with self-doubt and anxiety, can change my mind. Let me know what you think!
Side note:I am really sorry about the background noise. Pardon me, for I was not aware that the microphone was too strong to pick the noise from the commotion on the other side of the field.
Below is the script:
flushing the toilet + caring what others think
Just to brief you, I do flush the toilet.
But this one day, not long time ago, I stepped out to the hallway of my work building to make a phone call. And I didn’t want to disturb anybody with my “phone voice”, so I headed to the ladies washroom. Because it is always locked and it is always empty, so I thought it would be a good place to take a phone call.
Anyways, a few minutes in talking by the sink and I hear this jingle of keys.
I am notorious for being really quiet and startling peoples so to be preventive, I opened the faucet and started washing my hands. It was a coworker of mine, she came in, gave me a polite smile and then headed to one of the stalls to…you know!
Immediately after, I hear her forcefully flushing the toilet, and I could hear the anger in her flush. And then, I could feel the mortification flushing my face.
Why was I mortified? OK. A little backstory here: This particular coworker of mine, came to my desk, more than a couple of times, with a disgusted look on her face, saying, “Somebody didn’t flush the toilet”, and then that would commence a lengthy back and forth between us, just expressing the degree of our repulsion.
So now that I was standing there, washing my hands, with an unflushed toilet there, I must be the logical suspect to her!
To my horror, I have become (to her) that toilet-not-flusher!
I SHALL CLEAR MY NAME!
I was mortified, but I couldn’t linger there because I wanted my phone conversation to stay private, and I couldn’t casually bring up the topic later on, like “Hey, remember that one time, you were in the washroom and you thought that I was absolutely filthy? That was not me! I was just there, talking on my the phone, completely oblivious to the state of the toilets.”
Then I thought, why am I so adamant to convince this person that I am not some appalling untamed disgrace. I didn’t do anything! It wasn’t me!
But I still did care, partly because of my OCD nagging in my skull, partly because of the undeserving shame of this uncommitted crime.
Sadly, in her eyes, I may always stay the toilet-not flusher, even though, I have flushed every toilet I’ve used in my life (well, almost all of them).
But should I care to this degree? Maybe not. Should I care what thoughts other people produce about me? Maybe a little bit. Hear me out, Jordan Peterson once said ( and I am paraphrasing here);
“In utter solitude, we grow in the direction of our worst selves.”
So maybe I do need the pressure to continue to flush the toilet.
And maybe, we all need to care about what other people think (sometimes, not all the time) to be able to care about ourselves, and grow in the direction of our best selves.
What do you think?