“I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.”

Edgar Allan Poe

To keep in line with the festivities of today, I am sharing the authentic story of the first( and the second last) time I got “stoned”.


I live in BC, naturally, someone always has some pot; someplace always smells like scared skunks.


It was about three years ago, I wasn’t a naive teenager- the teen me was beyond naive and had descended to the dark pools of oblivious innocence- I was 23, and a morbid curiosity was bubbling in me about this funky-smelling herb.


Most of my friends smoked, and after a puff or two, they’d be transformed into a state of utter euphoria. Giggling as if all their life questions were answered.


What is this magical substance that melts the frowns? I must know! I mentally blabbered.


I have taken inquisitive hits here and there, but they never had any effects on my stubbornly sober mind.


So one summer night, we spontaneously decided to go big. And I mean literally a big bag of weed.


The three of us were preparing cookies for the potluck that we were hosting the next day ( I know, not the wildest of 20-year-olds), and credulously dumped a big portion of marijuana into the mix.


Then proceeded to foolishly consume one whole cookie each! In the continuing relentless rebellion, we also shared a fat joint.


And then it hit us, struck our nervous systems in a sudden blow, smacked all senses out of us, and slapped our thoughts raw.


Sitting under the starry night sky on our deck, my friend became lively, too lively. He was moving and talking in such swift exchanges of rapid motions and words that he became indecipherable. He was cracking with booming laughter, every few minutes he would be himself for just a few seconds, grab my arm tight, look into my eyes, and say, “Oh, it’s gonna come back soon, listen to me, put the cookie dough in the fridge, oh god, it’s coming back , it’s coming back…” and he would burst into the high-speed singing and dancing again.


Me? I was floating away, my mind levitating off my skull and sailing to a sea of sadness. I absolutely detested it. Relinquishing control fills me with horror, and being forced to lose control was sheer torment. I put my body on the bed, grabbed the edge of my pillow to remind me that I am still grounded, and did my best attempt to sleep the high away.


The next day, I was crushingly disappointed to find out that I was still mildly high. I just wanted my mind back.


During those two ghoulish days, no tingle of joy spiked my blood, no big question was answered, no new levels of ecstasy were achieved, all I did was to impatiently wait for my sobriety to come back.


But at least I learned something about myself; I am a control freak, so drugs don’t bring out the best in me, only the beast.


P.S. If you are wondering what happened to our third friend, he was an experienced smoker so he merely chuckled and took care of us. Such a good sport!


Do you have any “once, when I was stoned” stories?


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  1. No, but dozens of “Once, when I was drinking…” stories!

    1. haha I will take it

  2. I had a very similar experience. The first couple of times that I actually got stoned, I had waaaaaay too much. I also love being in control, so it wasn’t a fun experience for me to be so out of my mind and not even being able to have control over my thoughts or what I was saying or anything. One time, I had a two hour long panic attack. I had tried smoking by myself, and I had smoked way too much, and I was already in a constant state of panic (I had really REALLY bad anxiety around this time), and the pot just intensified it tenfold. I’ve had some better experiences since those few times, but it’s still hard for me to be comfortable with it because I’m not used to that loss of control. There have been times where it’s treated me right, though. It’s made me feel so much more… normal (as in, what people who don’t have 24/7 crippling anxiety feel). I did enjoy those times, and there were other times where I felt euphoric and just happy and content. That was after I learned the right dosage for me. I’m still pretty scared of it because of my bad experiences, but I haven’t sworn it off completely because it has really helped me with my anxiety at times. It’s just so crazy how it affects everyone so differently, though. And I’ve noticed, from talking to friends, that it seems to negatively affect females more often than it negatively affects males. I guess that makes sense, since a lot of girls I know like to feel that sense of control.

    1. It’s great that you found the right amount for you, I know that it helps many people with anxiety or ADHD. I tired only once after this and that experience was another fiasco haha Thanks so much for sharing your experience and thoughts xx

  3. Many lifetimes ago I ate my first pot cookie. Sat and watched the full moon rise over the ocean. Then danced — on the moon of course, as the stars sung their chorus.
    I can now can longer afford the brain cells. Still dancing, just on my own terms.

    Love your writing. 🤗

    1. Oh hahaha, wish I had the experience of dancing on the moon too!

      Thanks so much for sharing xx

  4. My buddy had a nickel Bag of Acapulco Gold (potent stuff). He rolled a joint that we both shared. I wasn’t feeling too much after that first joint, so he rolled another one. By the time we finished that second joint, I was floating. He wanted to go get something to eat, but he warned me before we left to act straight once we left his apartment. As we were walking along, I kept saying to myself “act straight.” I said it over and over again, not realizing that I was speaking out loud. My friend kept telling me to be quiet, but I was so wrapped up in trying not to appear stoned that I just kept repeating “act straight” aloud. I got a lot of strange looks from passerby that afternoon.

    1. Oh this made me laugh out loud, this is too funny! :)))) Thanks for sharing and “act straight” 😀

  5. Girl, I feel you! No joy joy for me either….pit of despair. Blah

    1. Yes, exactly, you put it so well x

  6. When I was 19, I had quit smoking for a while and decided to smoke again. Apparently, I’m one of the lucky people who become very paranoid after doing that…

    I don’t remember how I came across the substance but smoked alone. Within an hour I was locked in my closet (in my locked apartment) recording a voice memo for my sister of my final thoughts before “they” got me.

    It’s funny now but I was beyond freaked out.

    I wonder if that tape still plays. I’m pretty sure it’s in my closet now.

  7. Oh my gosh, I know it must have felt terrible at the time but this is hilarious…sorry ..:)) You should find that tape and (maybe) share it with us 😀

  8. When I was in college, I was having coffee with a friend, and after describing a sci-fi story I was working on, she asked “Have you ever smoked pot?”
    “No.” I replied.
    “Well, don’t.” she said “I smoke pot to reach a certain level. You’re already there.”

    1. That’s awesome, your brain is already where everyone strives to be !

  9. I wanted to quit smoking cigarettes so I bought a pound of weed and every time I felt the urge to smoke a cigarette, I rolled one up instead. I have not smoked a cigarette since.

    1. That’s amazing! It is certainly way way less harmful than tobacco.

  10. You are not wrong for wanting self-control. I’ve always felt that anything that takes away your power and self-control is extremely harmful.
    “Sitting under the starry night sky on our deck, my friend became lively, too lively. He was moving and talking in such swift exchanges of rapid motions and words that he became indecipherable.” – this is how I speak naturally. 😂
    Is it okay if I write a post on this topic? I completely agree with the self-control point you made.

    1. Oh yes of course, please write about this and share your thoughts with us. I’d be so happy. Control is what I am constantly thinking/working on and it would be awesome to hear some one else’s point of view. xx

      And I’d really like to hear you speak then, if it doesn’t give me too much anxiety haha 😂

      1. Of course, and I’ll leave a link to your page on the post. 🙂 I hope it works out for you and I’m glad you saw reason, addictions are terrifying and can have such a debilitating effect. I must post a video of me talking one day with my Jim Carrey-ness. Xx

        1. I will be looking forward to it!! 🙂 xx

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